In just a few weeks Rich and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary. These years have been amazing, I'm so happy in my marriage, Rich is truly the best of men and spending time with him is the bright spark in my every day. Roll on the years!
That being said there has always been a divide between us, a line drawn in the sand which neither of us was willing to cross. It was there from the early days, but consumed by our love for each other we chose to ignore it, lulled by the belief that love would conquer all, ignorant of how much it would affect us. Finally the divide became so great that we had to make allowances for each other, each of us accepting our own side and unwilling to cross, to share with each other something that meant so much. Until now. Cancer can really change you!
I am of course talking about the fact that I Love Coffee (I am a self confessed starbucks gold card carrier!) whilst Rich hates it. He of course drinks only tea, and weird dust flavoured Earl Grey at that. That is, until recently. I've had two rounds of chemo now and one of the biggest side effects is that I now don't like the taste of coffee. Not even the smell creates in me that same longing. Nope, I have gone over to the dark side, only a cup of tea will do. It's sad!!
On the up side I do at least like to drink red wine again, Hooray!
But seriously, Chemo is going fine. I wouldn't say it's the most fun I've ever had, but considering the fact I'm voluntarily allowing someone to poison me, it's not too bad! I had the Hickman line put in on Monday last week, which was absolutely horrible, but it made the chemo on Tuesday so much easier that I'm sure it was worth it. I've had a few dodgy days this week, feeling sick and week, but the worst seems to have past and I'm able to do more every day. Even managed to take Flick out with Rich yesterday for a walk in the sunshine so that was nice.
Of course I am bald now, which is so cool! I actually love my bald look! But it's so cold that I'm wearing a scarf most of the time out of necessity.
The biggest change for me is the fact that I'm signed off work. Which would be lovely if i hated my job and it was just some 9-5. But, I love my job; it isn't just a job to me, it's my passion, my joy, it's so much part of my life that it rarely seems like a job. Can you tell I miss it? I miss the people, my amazing team, the phenomenal kids. I miss being with Rich 24/7. I miss the reason to get up and get on with something worthwhile. At first it was a bit like a holiday, just filled with rubbish day time tv and no sunshine, but now it's a drag.
My friend Tate sent me a book (Tate, you are a wise man, this was exactly what I needed to read!), I'm working through it. It's about allowing God to transform you, to deepen your relationship with him through wilderness experiences. For a time I was floundering but I'm rediscovering who I am apart from my ministry.
Part of my rediscovery, means that I've retasked my to do app. No longer does it contain details of meetings or things to plan, but it's now making the most of this time that I have to explore some of my dreams and my goals. It also has a reminder set to tell me to update this blog at least every fortnight, so next time it won't be as long!
Thank you friends for sticking with me, for your continued love and support.
I'm attaching a photo of me with my girlies 10 days ago when I popped in to club night on their trip to adventure castle (I just couldn't stay away any longer!), I just hope it works! E xx
That being said there has always been a divide between us, a line drawn in the sand which neither of us was willing to cross. It was there from the early days, but consumed by our love for each other we chose to ignore it, lulled by the belief that love would conquer all, ignorant of how much it would affect us. Finally the divide became so great that we had to make allowances for each other, each of us accepting our own side and unwilling to cross, to share with each other something that meant so much. Until now. Cancer can really change you!
I am of course talking about the fact that I Love Coffee (I am a self confessed starbucks gold card carrier!) whilst Rich hates it. He of course drinks only tea, and weird dust flavoured Earl Grey at that. That is, until recently. I've had two rounds of chemo now and one of the biggest side effects is that I now don't like the taste of coffee. Not even the smell creates in me that same longing. Nope, I have gone over to the dark side, only a cup of tea will do. It's sad!!
On the up side I do at least like to drink red wine again, Hooray!
But seriously, Chemo is going fine. I wouldn't say it's the most fun I've ever had, but considering the fact I'm voluntarily allowing someone to poison me, it's not too bad! I had the Hickman line put in on Monday last week, which was absolutely horrible, but it made the chemo on Tuesday so much easier that I'm sure it was worth it. I've had a few dodgy days this week, feeling sick and week, but the worst seems to have past and I'm able to do more every day. Even managed to take Flick out with Rich yesterday for a walk in the sunshine so that was nice.
Of course I am bald now, which is so cool! I actually love my bald look! But it's so cold that I'm wearing a scarf most of the time out of necessity.
The biggest change for me is the fact that I'm signed off work. Which would be lovely if i hated my job and it was just some 9-5. But, I love my job; it isn't just a job to me, it's my passion, my joy, it's so much part of my life that it rarely seems like a job. Can you tell I miss it? I miss the people, my amazing team, the phenomenal kids. I miss being with Rich 24/7. I miss the reason to get up and get on with something worthwhile. At first it was a bit like a holiday, just filled with rubbish day time tv and no sunshine, but now it's a drag.
My friend Tate sent me a book (Tate, you are a wise man, this was exactly what I needed to read!), I'm working through it. It's about allowing God to transform you, to deepen your relationship with him through wilderness experiences. For a time I was floundering but I'm rediscovering who I am apart from my ministry.
Part of my rediscovery, means that I've retasked my to do app. No longer does it contain details of meetings or things to plan, but it's now making the most of this time that I have to explore some of my dreams and my goals. It also has a reminder set to tell me to update this blog at least every fortnight, so next time it won't be as long!
Thank you friends for sticking with me, for your continued love and support.
I'm attaching a photo of me with my girlies 10 days ago when I popped in to club night on their trip to adventure castle (I just couldn't stay away any longer!), I just hope it works! E xx
