Calm in the Storm

In just a few weeks Rich and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary. These years have been amazing, I'm so happy in my marriage, Rich is truly the best of men and spending time with him is the bright spark in my every day. Roll on the years! That being said there has always been a divide between us, a line drawn in the sand which neither of us was willing to cross. It was there from the early days, but consumed by our love for each other we chose to ignore it, lulled by the belief that love would conquer all, ignorant of how much it would affect us. Finally the divide became so great that we had to make allowances for each other, each of us accepting our own side and unwilling to cross, to share with each other something that meant so much. Until now. Cancer can really change you! I am of course talking about the fact that I Love Coffee (I am a self confessed starbucks gold card carrier!) whilst Rich hates it. He of course drinks only tea, and weird dust flavoured Earl Grey

Ok, so I know it’s been an age since I last wrote, but in all honesty the last few weeks have gone so fast everything seems to be a bit of a blur. It feels like only yesterday we were celebrating Christmas and seeing in the New Year, then I realise everything that’s happened in the last few weeks and I stop with a jolt. We spent New Years with some fantastic friends and inevitably the conversation turned toward resolutions. None of us could name any, Rich said that we would only break them anyway, whilst Caroline wisely offered that the ones we actually intended to keep were the ones you never told anyone. So here’s mine, the one I didn’t name, and the one I wouldn’t tell anybody (except of course you dear reader!). My resolution this year is to live. I don’t mean simply to continue to draw breath, though that of course is some miracle! But to live life to the full. With the words of John 10:10 ringing in my ear I will seek everyday to remember that God has given it to me for a reaso

My apologies for not giving an update in a while, and many thanks to all of you who have prompted me to do so. Here I am, back again! It’s been 4 weeks since my last update and since then I’ve had a second operation, this time to remove the nipple and some surrounding tissue from the site of the tumour. It’s taken longer to heal from this one although ironically, it has been a lot less painful! Even now two weeks on its still not scabbing entirely and this gets me down. This has also been more of a struggle emotionally, it’s taking time to get used to how my body looks and at one point I was ready to throw out my entire wardrobe, feeling that nothing could hide the fact that one of my boobs was now smaller than the other and that these days I’m only smuggling one peanut! Still there is also the funny side, my boob now has corners! You’d never believe it, but it is now square with actual corners, which I can’t help but laugh about! Yesterday Rich and I went back to see t

Yesterday (2.11.11) saw Rich and I back at the hospital for some results and a plan of action. What we were told was great news, in fact in so many ways I feel like I've gotten off really lightly. The surgery 2 weeks ago removed the lump and took 2 lymph nodes away for further testing. So I now have two nicely healing scars. The consultant told us that the nodes were totally clear, which is a huge relief and means the cancer hasn't spread and may potentially mean that I don't have to have chemo, but that will be decided at a later date. The only down side is that I need to have more surgery in two weeks time. They were able to remove the lump but its location right behind the nipple means that there may be something lingering. In order to rule out cancer returning to the area at a future point the decision has been made to remove my nipple. Hence more surgery. It sounds bad but really its amazing, I'm just so glad not to need a mastectomy, it sounds like a really simple

I read a story this week from a man who was going through cancer treatment. He described how over the course of his treatment his circle of friends had diminished from many to just two. Over time people became fearful of what they should say to him in the midst of his situation, and in time they simply chose not to be in his presence. I am thankful that my experience this week since revealing my cancer has been very different to this, but I can understand it, I can see how it might happen. I can acknowlegde now that there have been times when, lacking the right words to say to someone has meant that I say nothing at all. But the truth is there are no right words to say, and sometimes saying anything can be the right thing to do. I have been mightily blessed this week with cards and notes and kind words from people. They are such a huge encouragement, they do not try to say the right words, instead they declare sympathy, encouragement and love, just knowing that people are thinking of m

Matthew 8:23-27 (NIV) [23] Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. [24] Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. [25] The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” [26] He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. [27] The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” When the storm suddenly appeared rocking the boat and the world of Jesus' friends, they turned to Jesus, crying out for his help. With a word he caused the storm to diminish, the wind and the waves calmed, bringing peace and calming the fears of his friends. I have been through storms, times in my life where everything was uncertain, where emotions were rising high and low, yet I have also known the peace of God in the midst of it and the calm that comes